would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
