dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
