You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
