note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
