What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
