Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
