Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
