What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize