Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
