What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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