nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
