But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
