I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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