just come out here and I will go home with you...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
