dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
