You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
