He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
