I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
