More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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