i would punch a child for taco bell
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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