I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
