You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
