I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize