The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
