When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
