how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
