I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
