yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
