youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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