I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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