She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
