my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
