last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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