Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
