I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
