I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
