the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
