ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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