for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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