I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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