He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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