bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
