What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
