The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
