smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
