Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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