i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.