My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.