i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?