im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
