Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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