I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
