you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my weed a kiss
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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