oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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