I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
