Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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