i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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