i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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