I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize