I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
