Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
