PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
