So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
