he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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