Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a hot homeless man
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
