I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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