I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
pray to the hookup gods
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
