the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i believe in u and ur pee
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
