Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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