Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
