hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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