I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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