No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
