what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
