Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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